[Note: This post was an April Fool’s joke!]

If you’re a disciple of the Couch Potato strategy, chances are that you handle your own investments without an advisor. And that’s the right decision for many people. However, over the past few months, I’ve received many emails from readers who need the advice of a professional to help them achieve their financial goals.

That’s why I’m pleased to announce my new investment advisory service, Passive Aggressive Solutions™. I want to help you take Couch Potato investing to the next level: after all, in difficult markets like these, settling for average just isn’t good enough.

Here’s how the service works: I’ll start by helping you build an individually tailored portfolio of low-cost ETFs or index funds, using a proprietary algorithm I designed using Excel. That’s the passive part. Then I’ll implement aggressive strategies designed to earn above-market returns—something you can’t do with index funds. It’s like having your cake and eating it, too.

Of course, I want a slice of the cake. But the business model for Passive Aggressive Solutions™ is unique. My original goal was to charge a flat fee, but I changed my mind after bumping into Preet Banerjee of WhereDoesAllMyMoneyGo.com this week. (We were attending a press conference for some intriguing new ETFs, which he discusses on his blog today.) I told Preet about my service and he responded bluntly: “If you can’t help people beat the index, then your advice isn’t worth anything.” I took those words to heart, and decided that my fee should be half of any above-market performance you achieve. For example, if your portfolio earns 3% above the index benchmark, my fee is 1.5%. If I don’t help you beat the market, you don’t pay. It’s that simple.

Passive Aggressive Solutions™ offers comprehensive financial planning services, including:

  • Asset allocation models
  • Portfolio rebalancing techniques
  • Risk profiling
  • Index data to benchmark returns
  • Leading research from top analysts
  • Fund recommendations
  • Option strategies to control risk
  • Online trading tips
  • Lots of other jargon

Please contact me at mail@canadiancouchpotato.com if you’d like more information on how to become a client. If you include the special BONUS CODE in the subject line of your email, you’ll get the first six months free. The bonus code is the first letter in each of the above bullet points.